The Lazy Game of Thrones Recap: Gotta Let it Buuuurn!


I’m so happy that Game of Thrones is finally back. I really missed the days of rooting for Arya, hating Cersei, and ogling Margaery.

While this episode won’t be on anyone’s favorites list, “The Wars to Come” did a great job of setting up the plotlines for episodes to come. —–RECAP TIME!!!

Starting off the season with the first ever flashback on Game of Thrones was very cool to see, even though the flashback involved Cersei….ugh.

Young Cersei – Been a B**** since ’83

It’s comforting to know that she was a complete and total B**** since she was born; Really puts you at ease, you know? I also really enjoyed the witch telling her she’ll lose her position as queen to a younger and more beautiful queen. Gee, I wonder who that will be…

I'm coming for yo spot h**

I’m coming for yo spot h**

We then go over to hang out with the new dynamic duo, Tyrion and Varys as they get adjusted to their new life on the run. Between stuffing your own s*** in a airhole or picking up someone else’s s*** and throwing it overboard, I don’t know if Tyrion or Varys had the worse job. Also, how long has Tyrion been in that crate because all of a sudden he can’t hold his wine? That’s not the Tyrion I know!

I remember my first beer...

I remember my first beer…

Back in Mereen, we got unsullied soildiers paying whores to sing lullabies to them and getting their necks sliced by the sons of the harpy. All I’m saying is if you’re going to kill me anyway, can I at LEAST here the end of the damn song.

When we get to the wall, Stannis informs Jon Snow of his plan, which involves using the wildlings as soldiers and killing Roose Bolton and taking control of North. Stannis tells Jon Snow to get Mance Rayder on board or he will be ON FIREEEEEE…..I was singing a Alicia Keys song in case you didn’t catch that.

In King’s Landing, Cersei talks with her former lover/current cousin, Lancel  as he asks for forgiveness for his sins and tells her about his new outlook on life as a Sparrow. I have to be honest, I miss Lancel when he was kind of a sniveling coward and had the funny outfit. This new Lancel is all calm and……not in a funny outfit; What’s up with that?

I miss the old Lancel....

I miss the old Lancel….

Later on in the scene, Margaery interrupts her brother’s playgirl audition to discuss who’s marrying who. Loras lets Margaery know that since Tywin is dead, Cersei will never marry him and move to High Garden, which leaves her to deal with Cersei all by herself. Margaery just replies with a simple “perhaps,” which had me dying to know what her next chess move was.

We then return to Tyrion, as he and Varys are figuring out what their next move is going to be. They begin to have a talk about who should be next to sit on the throne. Varys tells Tyrion the two of them should head to Meereen to help Daenarys take her place on the throne.

Going back to Meereen, Dany shuts down the idea of bringing back the fighting pits much to the dismay of the people of Meereen and Daario. Dany goes down to check on her dragons; You know, the two dragons she chained up last year…remember them? Well let’s just say the reunion was less than…….heartfelt.

They seem upset.....

They seem upset…..

She ran out of that dungeon faster than you can say Valar Morghulis!

Jon Snow tries to convince Mance Rayder to agree to the demands of Stannis, but Mance Rayder refuses to show weakness in front of his people. When Jon tells him that they plan to burn him alive if he doesn’t agree to the plan, I thought he might change his mind but he looks Jon in the eye and explains to him that he doesn’t want his people fighting—and dying—in the war of a foreigner.

The last scene of the episode was hard to watch….unless you like watching people burn alive in which case, the last scene was heaven on earth.  I’m not sure why, but I really did respect Mance Rayder for telling Stannis to his face he wouldn’t fight his battle. It’s not always easy sticking to your principals, so seeing someone do it in the face of their own mortality was great to watch.

The not so great part was LITERALLY watching the flames slowly rise and begin to surround his body while Mance began to show fear. Jon Snow did us all a favor and gave him a quick death in the form of an arrow to the chest. I’m glad he did that because I really didn’t want to see that man screaming in agony.

Even he can't watch this S***

Even he can’t watch this S***

We didn’t see Arya this week(Boo!) but don’t worry, we’ll see a lot of her next week. You can check out the trailer below to see exactly what’s coming.

See you next week!

Random thoughts in my head

  • Brienne needs to stop being mean to Podrick
  • Robin can’t fight for s***
  • Tyrion and Varys should have their own separate theme song.

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