The Lazy Game of Thrones Recap: Introducing Sansa Bolton???

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For all of the people saying that this season has been dull & slow…..are you satisfied yet? A lot of major plots and storylines were put in motion this week in “High Sparrow” as Margaery becomes queen, Tyrion is kidnapped, and Sansa is becoming a Bolton?????

Let the recapping begin!

King’s Landing: A lot of stuff went down at King’s Landing this week, and I’ll start with the happier of events which is the wedding of Tommen and Margaery! It was the first Game of Thrones wedding to not end in someone being murdered so….good job? I have to be honest, seeing Cersei so angry during the wedding ceremony brought a little joy to my heart. After the wedding, Tommen and Margaery went off to….you know….they went to have sex people jeez, be a little mature.

After the two were done doing the horizontal polka (look it up), the manipulation of Tommen began as Margaery put the idea of his mother being happier in Casterly rock in his head, which he then proposed to Cersei. The next day there was a little bit of a passive aggressive cat fight between Cersei and Margaery. Most of the jabs were given by Margaery with insults like “I wish we had some wine here but it’s quite early in the day for us!” and how Tommen has her very “exhausted.”  Seeing Cersei’s power continue to plummet with every waking moment caused me to almost have sympathy for her…..almost.

MargyCersei

A lot of hate behind these smiles

After an incident involving a brothel, Cersei goes off to meet the “High Sparrow,” who surprisingly, is easily one of the nicest people to ever be on Game Of Thrones. So nice in fact that he even manages to put Cersei in a spell and make her more religious.  I’m very interested to learn more about the High Sparrow in the episodes to come. If not only for the fact that he seems a little too nice, which makes me think he’s hiding something; but until then, he’s a pretty nice guy.

Arya: The feels were had this week as Arya has to give up being Arya Stark and assume the identity of “no one.” Before we get to the emotional stuff, I just want to say how funny it was to see Arya Stark get a mini beatdown from a girl who I’m pretty sure is blind, but I’m not quite sure. Seeing Arya lie to the girl saying she was “no one” and the girl whacking Arya with the stick only for Arya to call he a c*** was hilarious. After their mini-scuffle, Jaqen H’ghar comes in and lets Arya know she’s not ready to be a faceless man because she still has the clothes, money, and sword of Arya Stark.

The Feels.....THE FEELS!!!

The Feels…..THE FEELS!!!

Here’s where the feels come in. After hearing what Jaqen H’ghar said, she goes by the ocean and dumps her old clothes and money in the water. She then grabs needle and begins to tear up because she doesn’t want to get rid of the only thing she holds precious in this world. At this point in the show, I may or may not be tearing up myself, but in a very manly and masculine way of course. She couldn’t bring herself to dispose of the gift Jon Snow gave her so she hid it under some rocks…..thank god!

Sansa: Littlefinger and Sansa’s storyline this week was one of the more interesting ones. Littlefinger informs Sansa Stark that it is planned for her to marry Ramsay Bolton, the son of Roose Bolton. She naturally refuses the proposal immediately until Littlefinger lets her know why she should go along with the marriage. He tells her that she should use this opportunity to go on the offense and avenge her family.

Sansa is playing the game!

Sansa is playing the game!

I’ve been really impressed with how Sansa’s character has developed so far in season 5. Instead of making it known to Roose and Ramsay Bolton how much she is against this marriage, she disguises it and makes it look like she is looking forward to it. Sansa’s not being the victim anymore and she finally playing the Game…….of Thrones.

Brienne/Podrick: Last week, I talked about how Brienne and Podrick P-Money  seemed to be developing a friendship or at the very least, a better understanding of each other. This week the two validated my opinion by sharing stories of their past to one another.  P-Money talked about how he became a squire for Tyrion because of stolen ham and Brienne talked about how she became in love with King Renly. She talked about how when she was younger, the boys played a cruel trick on her by pretending they all wanted to marry her only to laugh and say they “couldn’t keep up the lie.”

They're bonding!

They’re bonding!

Just as how I’ve been impressed with Sansa so far this season, I’ve been equally impressed with Brienne. She hasn’t necessarily grown as a character, per se, but my admiration for her has. Hearing her tell that story to Podrick made me see her not just as a sword wielding badass, and more of a person who has some internal issues like everyone else.

After story-time was over, Brienne apologized to Podrick P-Money about always being so mean to him and offered to teach him how to fight with a sword. P-Money is about to be a BADASS YOU GUYS!!!

Castle Black: Jon Snow told Stannis that now that he is Lord Commander, he can’t go fight in his war, even if that means giving up the chance to be Jon Stark.  After Stannis leaves, Davos tries to convince Jon Snow to reconsider his position. He explains to Mr. Snow that while he is Lord Commander, his job might be better spent fighting for the North instead of sitting in a frozen castle on the edge of the earth.

Jon Snow da BOSS!!!

Jon Snow da BOSS!!!

Later on, Lord Snow was delegating jobs to other members of the wall and then Janos Slynt refused to go to Grey Guard to rebuild it. Jon Snow gave him the chance to back down, but Janos told Snow to shove that job up his “Bastard a**.” After that, Jon Snow executed Janos Slynt which was very similar to when Rob Stark executed Karstark. Similar to Robb Stark, Jon Snow showed no mercy against Janos because it was important to show his brothers that while he is fair and compassionate, he won’t stand for any disrespect.

Tyrion: Not too much happened with Tyrion and Varys, at least not until the very end of the episode. Tyrion complains to Varys that he wants to get out and walk around because in his words, he “can’t remember the last face he’s seen that wasn’t his.” After they leave the “Wheelhouse,” they stumble upon a brothel with a Daenaerys  prostitute!

Was it weird that I added an exclamation point there?

Anyway, at the brothel Tyrion looks for a prostitute to “hire” and he meets one that is kind of jaded to be honest. When the prostitute is ready to be….”hired,” Tyrion surprisingly changes his mind. I’m assuming he couldn’t go through with it because she reminded him of Shae, but maybe he just couldn’t get it up.

Lesson of the day: Don't pee off buildings!

Lesson of the day: Don’t pee off buildings!

Tyrion and Varys weren’t the only people at the brothel, our homie Jorah was there too. Jorah spots Tyrion and waits until Tyrion is alone/peeing over a building and grabs him and says he’s taking him to the queen. Now he might be talking about Cersei, but I’m almost positive he’s talking about Dany. Man, Jorah is determined not to be “King Friendzone” anymore.

See you next week…….

DON’T FORGET TO LIKE THIS POST IF YOU ENJOYED IT AND IF YOU DIDN’T, JUST LIKE IT ANYWAY FOR FUNSIES! 

RANDOM THOUGHTS
  • The Daenerys Targaryen prostitute was a little disturbing…
  • Ramsay Bolton’s side chick looks super jelly….
  • I can’t wait to see P-Money fighting with a sword
  • I never get tired of seeing someone get their head cut off….does that say something about me?
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