The Lazy Game of Thrones Recap: NOOOOOOOO!!!!???!!!!

Dead SnowHeader

I’m so upset, I don’t even feel like writing an intro, but I’ll try to push through. This has been a weird and intriguing season of Game of Thrones. It took a while to get going, but once it did, it was firing on all cylinders. But, I won’t spend too much time on the intro because I have to get to ranting about Jon Snow, so let’s get to it! 

Cersei takes a walk through town, Arya can’t see s***, Tyrion is in charge of Meereen, and Jon Snow is…I can’t even say it. 


Arya:  Let’s start the recap with one of the sections that made me cry the least. When Arya saw Meryn Trant last week, I was pretty sure he would be dying by the end of this season, and BOY was I right. Not only did she kill Meryn, but it was such a brutal murder it would make Ramsay Snow blush (or smile.) Watching Arya slowly kill Meryn was both amazing and horrifying at the same time. On a show that rarely gives characters their moments for justice, I was very happy to see Arya cross a name off her list.      MERYN TRANT


Jesus Christ Arya!!!

After returning back to the House of Black & White, Jaqen h’ghar tells Arya that she shouldn’t have killed that man because “it wasn’t her life to take” and that “only death can pay for life.” Jaquen then proceeds to drink poison and is assumed dead until it turns out that Jaquen was actually the waif? I have to be honest, that whole scene confused the hell out of me with him dying, then turning into the waif, and then Arya seeing her own face, I didn’t know what was going on. Oh yea, Arya is blind now so…..yea.  I bet she didn’t SEE that coming……I’m sorry, please don’t leave.

Sansa: While we’re on the topic of Starks, let’s talk about the other Stark daughter, Sansa. While Roose and Ramsay were off fighting Stannis (I’ll get to that in a second), Sansa takes it upon herself to try to signal Brienne to come and help her escape. After Brienne doesn’t show up, she decides to leave by herself. While trying to leave she runs into Ramsay’s side chick, Myranda, who isn’t to keen on letting Sansa leave. 


Pretend you’re on a roller coaster

It isn’t until Reek Theon pushes Myranda off the ledge that the two of them can escape. Also, is it safe to say that Myranda falling off the ledge might be the funniest death in Game of Thrones history. I feel bad for laughing so much, but it was soooo funny!. Oh well, I guess I’m just a bad person. 

Stannis: Oh, it was a banner f****** week at the old Baratheon family (Breakfast Club all day!) My feelings towards Stannis drastically changed after him sacrificing his own daughter in hopes of getting an advantage against the Boltons. Even though I’m not rooting for Stannis anymore, I assumed that things would start going his way…I was wrong. First, half his swellswords leave, then, his wife hangs herself, and to make matters even worst, Melisandre ditched Stannis and went back to Castle Black. To sum it all up, it’s been a rough couple of days for ol’ Stannis.


It’s been a rough couple of days…

The bright side (I guess) is that the snow was melting which allowed Stannis and the sellswords that remained to march onward to Winterfell. The not so bright side, all of his soldiers were slaughtered pretty easily. After being stabbed in the leg (lot of stabbing in this episode) and struggling to survive, he runs into the ONE person he should want to avoid, Brienne. She asks Stannis if he’s the one who killed Renly, he says yes and she kills him….I think. They cut away without us actually seeing him get killed, which has me wondering if there is someway or some reason she wouldn’t go through with it. I’m not sure, but I hope he’s dead. 

King’s Landing: Depending on how you feel about Cersei, you were either overjoyed or sympathetic to what happened to her in the finale. Surprisingly, I was a little of both. Cersei finally decides to confess about what she did with Lancel Lannister so she can be released from her cell. She’s set to have a trial for her crimes but the only problem is that she still has to pay for what she did and that payment comes in the form of a very long and uncomfortable scene to watch. 

I hate that I feel bad....

I hate that I feel bad….

For her immediate punishment, she is stripped of her clothes, her hair is cut short, and is ordered to walk through the city in front of all the people of King’s Landing. Now, as she was walking through King’s Landing and everyone was calling her obscene names, I was actually smiling and laughing because I hate Cersei so much. It wasn’t until she was covered in filth and someone spit on her, that I started to feel really bad. Me feeling bad actually made me mad because I’ve hated Cersei for about 4 1/2 seasons now and for Game of Thrones to make me have sympathy towards her upset me. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Cersei break down the way she did by the end of her walk and that added to the sympathy I had for her. But after that, a giant who doesn’t speak carried her away, so I think she’ll be fine. 

Dorne: I’m going to get all of the Lannister stuff out of the way back to back, with Jaime being next up. With the agreement all set up, Jaime, Myrcella, and Prince Danish (I don’t know his name) say their goodbyes and board a ship headed back to King’s Landing. While on the ship, Jaime tries to work up the courage to tell Myrcella the truth about who her real father is. Before he can tell her, she tells him that she knows about everything between him and Cersei and that she knows that he is her real father. Not only that, she tells Jaime that she is glad he is her father.

R.I.P. little homie...

R.I.P. little homie…

It was a sweet moment between a father and a daughter especially seeing how she is the only Lannister child to know the truth about their real father. So what happens after this sweet moment you ask? Well, Myrcella dies. Apparently, Ellaria poisoned her by having poison on her own lips and kissing Myrcella on the lips. Unfortunately, the only antidote there is for the poison is taken by Ellaria as she watches the boat sail away. Now, Jaime has to ride back to King’s Landing with his dead daughter on board. Man, Jaime and Cersei are going to have a very interesting conversation when they see each other again…..

Meereen:  The last Lannister I’ll be talking about is Tyrion. It was a short week for the homie after all the epic-ness that happened last week with Drogon. This week, him, Daario, and Jorah contemplate what the next course of action should be to find “The Great White Hope” (That’s Daenerys).  They decide it’s best if Daario and Jorah go looking for Dany and Tyrion stay and rule over Meereen in the meantime. While Tyrion is back in Meereen, he is reunited with everyone’s favorite spider, Varys. I don’t know about you guys, but I was so happy to see Tyrion and Varys back together. With Dany, Daario, and Jorah all away, it’s going to be exciting to see how Tyrion and Varys handle running Meereen.

The buddy cops are back together!!!

The buddy cops are back together!!!

Tyrion is officially da BOSS!!! (In my Rick Ross voice)

Daenerys: After deciding to ditch all of her friends in Meereen (Yea, I said it!), Daenerys ends up in a strange area and doesn’t quite know where she is. She wants to go back to Meereen, but Drogon isn’t feeling that idea. I never thought I would see a full-grown dragon act like a spoiled teenager, but I really enjoyed it. While looking for food, Daenerys is surrounded by what looks like Dothraki soldiers. Going by what I saw in the scene, it’s hard to tell if the soldiers are with or against Dany at this point. I’m going to assume they’ll be on her side only because they saw how her and Drogo were together…..I guess.



Jon Snow: All right, let’s get to this bulls***. To say I was mad at the end of this episode would be an understatement. But, I’m gonna try to keep calm while I’m writing this because I can feel myself getting upset all over again….

We start off the scenes at Castle Black with Sam telling Jon that he wanted to head to Oldtown with Gilly to become a Maester and actually be of some value to the members of the Night’s Watch. Jon reluctantly let’s him go and after that is when crap hits the fan.

See Ya Sam!

See Ya Sam!

Olly comes into Jon Snow’s office and lies to  tells Jon Snow that they’ve discovered the whereabouts of his Uncle that has been missing this whole time. Once Jon Snow runs out towards the crowd of the brothers, he sees a sign that reads “Traitor.” After he turns around, members of the watch proceed to one-by-one stab him in the chest while saying “For the Watch.” The last person to stab him is Olly or as I like to now call him, Punk a** Olly. 

I'm so MAD!

I’m so MAD!

While Jon Snow was getting repeatedly stabbed, I was pretty much in a state of disbelief. Not because it didn’t make sense for the story, but because of all the characters on the show, I thought Jon Snow was in that extremely small group of characters who were somewhat safe from being killed. Arya, Tyrion, and Daenerys were the only other people I felt wouldn’t get the knife (no pun intended) because they were all fan favorites. But, once again Game of Thrones has shown me that no one is safe, not even Jon FREAKING Snow. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cry in a corner until next April. 

See you next YEAR…….


  • I hate Olly
  • Arya can be scary sometimes
  • I still hate Olly
  • Who’s had a worse day: Cersei or Jaime?
  • Did I mention I hate Olly
  • Where the hell is Sansa and Reek Theon going?
  • I f****** hate Olly!!!