The Lazy Game of Thrones Recap: Is that you Grandma?

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

It’s been a while since my last recap of Game of Thrones and I can honestly say that it has left a whole in my heart. But, enough with the sappy stuff because we have A LOT to talk about. Sansa reunites with Brienne, Jon Snow is (still) dead, Arya is (still) blind, and Melisandre is…old?

Let’s Talk!


Sansa: Let’s begin with my favorite section from the season premiere which involved Jean Gray Sansa and Reek Theon. I was relieved when Sansa and Theon finally made their escaped last season, but I had a bad feeling they were going to get caught and sent right back to Ramsay which honestly would have pissed me off. When the Bolton’s soldiers showed up with their dogs, that’s when the bad feeling got worse but thankfully, Brienne and Podrick  showed up to save the day. Well, Brienne saved the day, but Podrick helped…a little.

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After Brienne did her thing, she swore her sword and her life to Sansa and promised to keep her safe. Hearing Sansa say her vows and stumble through was really funny because it really shows that even though she’s been through so much, she’s still just a kid. Anyway, Sansa and Brienne are finally together and nothing could possibly go wrong, right guys?


Daenerys: While Daario and Jorah (King Friendzone) bond while looking for Dany dearest (Daenerys), we see she’s been captured by the Dothraki men. On the way to their camp, two of those Dothraki men were speaking in their native language and were saying very inappropriate things about Danenery’s uh….nether region. While I know it was rude and extremely vulgar, I still couldn’t help but love every minute of it; is that bad?

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When everyone finally arrived to the camp, the Dothraki people were discussing what to do with Dany and some of the suggestions were murder and rape which I’ve seen enough of on this show to last a lifetime. Upon hearing this, Dany reveals to them that she can speak their native language and then tells them that they won’t lay a hand on her because she is the widow of Khal Drogo. The current leader cuts her chains and promises that no one will touch her. He also tells her that she’s being taken to Vaes Dothrak, the place where all the wives of dead khals live. I’m not sure where Dany Dearest’s plotline is going this season, but I hope she meets up with Tyrion again soon.


Meereen: Speaking of Tyrion, we briefly meet up with him and Varys as they try to restore Dany’s name around town. Aside from some boat fires and Tyrion trying to eat someone’s baby, not much happened in Meereen this week which kind of sucks but we’ll probably see more next week.


Arya: Arya is still blind and she got beat up with a stick, that’s it; Seriously, that’s it.


Dorne: Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Ellaria and the Sand Snakes? If not, I’ll tell you right now; I hate Ellaria and the Sand Snakes! Not only did they kill Myrcella for no damn reason, but now they’ve kill King Doran and his son because in their own words, they don’t want to be ruled by “weak men” anymore.
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If I’m not mistaken, the sand snakes will be fighting the Lannisters pretty soon and I never thought I’d say this, but I really hope the Lannisters kills everyone. Just typing that felt wrong…


King’s Landing: We start this portion of the episode with Cersei seeing the boat that Myrcella is aboard and gleefully running to welcome her. I really have to applaud Lena Headey’s acting in this scene because her ability to change her facial expression from excitement to despair with such ease was incredible to watch. If you’ve read any of my other recaps (I hope you have), then you know that I’m not the biggest fan of Cersei at the moment. Even though I felt some sympathy for her during her walk of shame, my hatred for her is still there, but this show is making it REALLY hard to keep hating her.

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After finding out about the death of her daughter, she tells Jaime about how she knew that this would happen because of the prophecy that the witch told her when she was a child. Jaime tries to persuade her to forget about what she heard, but it appears that’s not going to happen. Also, I want to quickly talk about how it appears that Cersei and Jaime both seem slightly different from how they were last year. Jaime seems like he is extremely focused on getting revenge, while Cersei just comes off as a women who has become broken after losing so much. Their slight personality changes make sense and I’m very interested to see where this goes.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the Margaery is still locked up so.…yeah.


Castle Black: We all remember how last season ended, so I won’t bother bringing that up again because I’ll just get mad again (f*** you Olly). Anyway, the episode started where it ended which was with Jon Snow bleeding out on the floor. Davos discovers the body and has some of Jon’s (loyal) brothers bring him to his chambers. After trying to calm down the other brothers about what happened to Jon,  Alliser proceeds to threaten persuade Davos to surrender or else there will be bloodshed. When Alliser leaves, Davos tells the others that the Red Woman will be the one who can help them in their fight with the other members of Castle Black.

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Okay, this is where s*** gets weird. The scene starts with Melisandre getting undressed and I have to be honest, I wasn’t too upset at this point. Then, she takes off her necklace and now it shows that she is actually an elderly woman. At first, I didn’t understand what the hell I just watched; then I thought about it for a bit and  it started to make more sense. I’m assuming that the necklace she wears makes her appear young so she can seduce men like Stannis and Jon Snow. But, I’m still confused as to whether the magic she uses is making her age quicker, or if she is just old and wants to look young. Either way, I’m sure will figure it out soon enough.

See you next week…

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